i made a resolution to be forgiving to my parents after reading my horoscope on friendster.
silly, really, but its got a point.

as expected, today i accomplished nothing when i went to far east with jocelyn. apart from this supremely obscene black PANTYHOSE(i got it for syf!)which i'm sure hookers and strippers wear. so where do i fit in? jocelyn says try hotel 81. har har har, not funny.

i spent the whole day feeling insercure and ostracized, starting from morning jog. cause i thought everybody were ignoring me:( but ahwell, i felt better later on, until stupid jocelyn kept me waiting for fifteen minutes, i'm not so patient see.

oh i read ugenie's blog! i made me more paranoid but it reminds me of the archery trainer at SLC. and boy, she's cool mann.

melanie told me to go and find a boyfriend when i said i was insecure. har har not funny. okay funny but stupid:) hope she'll get into yellow cheer, even if it's just reserve, at least it's better than nothing. but that will make me the only one in class who tried out and didn't get in. oh well i shouldn't be thinking so much really. it doesn't matter anyway:)

darn it! i'm super paranoid lately, which is so not good for my emotional state.


i cannot, i simply CANNOT handle him.
oh here pops two love rivals, fighting for the affection of jocelyn.
okay okay i know, so please stop telling me about it
it's sweet and all, but do not overdo it.
grrrrr! omgosh for god's sake just stop whining about joce not replying your sms alright?
your life do not, and i believe should not, revolves around one sms.

one of these days, i swear i'm gonna get so irritated i would stuff my shoe into his face and kick him to moscow.


jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
dear.

I'll be sunshine says:
SLAP ME JOCELYN! SLAP MEEEEEEEEEEE

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
arent we supposed to go get the goth dress?

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
uh

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
slap?

I'll be sunshine says:
yeshh

I'll be sunshine says:
im such a noobbbb i want to die and bury myself aliveeeee

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
uhhh what happened to the goth dress?

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
okay you might want to consider sarimbun, nice place [:

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
are you okay/

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
what happened?

I'll be sunshine says:
ahhhhh yesh

I'll be sunshine says:
im fine honey

I'll be sunshine says:
sorry just a momento of nerves

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
okay!

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
TELL ME THE GOTH DRESS HOW?!

I'll be sunshine says:
how how baby tell me whyyyyy~

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
uh why?

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
my gosh

I'll be sunshine says:
what a nice song i just mad up huh?

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
can you go pick up the goth dress?

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
you're insane

I'll be sunshine says:
i feel like scratching my toe

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
uh huh i know

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
.

I'll be sunshine says:
hahahhaa

I'll be sunshine says:
okay okay lets deal iwth things in a rational way

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
im irrational

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
i cant be put as a fraction

I'll be sunshine says:
jocelyn can you be more rational and stop doing whatever landiao thing you re doing now?

I'll be sunshine says:
omgosh omgsoh

I'll be sunshine says:
i remember class chaletttt!

I'll be sunshine says:
okay can we pick up the shit on like fri?

I'll be sunshine says:
before the landiao rehearsal?

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
friday?

I'll be sunshine says:
uhuh

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
i cant make it on friday

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
how about thursday?

I'll be sunshine says:
oh- beep

I'll be sunshine says:
oh what the beep

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
uhhh.

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
thursday? : D

I'll be sunshine says:
noooooo noooooo noooooooooo

I'll be sunshine says:
okay nothing

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
cant?

I'll be sunshine says:
nope

I'll be sunshine says:
cause chloe cant

I'll be sunshine says:
aiya damn complicated

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
hmmmm.

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
today?

[censored]

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
uh okay [:

[censored]

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
really?

[censored]

I'll be sunshine says:
yeah except it wouldnt fit

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
crazy person

I'll be sunshine says:
can i call you about something?

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
hahaha

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
so how?

I'll be sunshine says:
i mean, can you call me now?

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
okay

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
sure

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
CALL ME!

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
i dont wanna call you

I'll be sunshine says:
no call me baby, i'll be waiting(wink)

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
FINE.

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
FINE

jocelyn. ♥LOL IRONY. says:
(STOMPS TO THE PHONE)

omgosh it makes me laugh


my brain must be soggy or something cause nothing seems to work now.
i never used to have a blog for so long, or blog in it every other day. maybe its because i've never needed one before.

approximately five minutes have passed, and i've spent it by staring blankly at the keyboard, with blink 182's stay together for the kids playing.

do i still have i way out? could i still untangle myself from this mess? i can't think. slap me. hard.

everyday this question pops up, everyday, every hour, every now and then. but there's this inner voice screaming to be released, fighting to be heard, holding me back.

i don't care who the fuck is reading this or what they're thinking whatsoever, im just gonna say what i want anyway.

we're on a bullet
and we're headed straight into god
even he'd like to end it too
we take a pill, get a face
buy our ticket
and we hope that heaven's true
I saw a cop beat a priest on the TV
and they know they killed our heroes too

We sing the death song kids
because we've got no future
and we want to be just like you
and we want to be just like you

Let's sing the death song kids

we light a candle on an earth
we made into hell
and pretend that we're in heaven
each time we do we get
the blind man's ticket
and we know that nothing's true
I saw priest kill a cop on the TV
and I know now they're our heroes too

We sing the death song kids
because we've got no future
and we want to be just like you
and we want to be just like you
we write our prayers on a little bomb
kiss it on the face and send it to god

[CHORUS]

We were the world
but we've got no future
and we want to be just like you
we want to be just like you.

oh yeah and i wasted 26 dollars yesterday to style my hair for no good reason and it doesnt even look good:/ hahaha i bet melo didnt recognise me yesterday cause she thought i was part of the plant:D my leg is itching, hope it isnt an infection or something.

honey i wouldnt bitch about you or py or jas or whoever. i swear that and seal it with a kiss. and im not mad at you cause i dont think getting mad at anyone would do any good. besides, you care and i know, i appreciate that.

i should be starting on my homework now. there's no lunch anyway.


take away the pain
hahaha yes its mighty ironic all right:)

should i start panicking now, seeing that everyone'd mugging their Amath and im the only one who didnt even bring my book back. alright heck. my attitude is horrible, yes thank you i know. i'll just drag my arse to school earlier to school next morning and try to cram whatever i could into my brain then.

e=?
log e=?
ln e=?

yes im way screwed.

okay i can panic now, cause im reminded that i just passed my last Amath test by a margin, and if i fail this one, i would fail my ppr. yeah i shall give myself a kick and pull up my socks. i want cookies and chocolate cream:)


the long agonizing cheer tryout are finally over.
did i get in then?
hahaha no. i expected it though, so its okay i guess:)

steph: its okay, its gonna be okay. like what the ex cheer cap(oops i forgot her name again!)said, you do have a special style of your own. and you will definitely shine one day. you re a individual dancer, so you cant be sterotype and follow a group style, its ok. it doesnt matter really, whether you got in or not. what matters is if you have that special quality and potential, which, yes you do possess. so dont take it too hard alrights:) if you wanna cry, then just let it all out, its okay to cry. hearts:)

bingeing helps to calm your tormented soul...so i ate alottt of food. and yes i feel much better already. thats what i would call miracle food mann:) the cheer seniors are really nice you know, and they dont have to worry about juniors not respecting them cause they are so nice and all, of course you would love them:)

eeeeekkkkkk! who's this guy who looks like an baboon with over large nosetrils?! (gag)

nvm about the baboon mutant now. lets move on.

im not very upset about now getting into cheer cause like i already kind of prepared myself for it. i keep grinning very wide till it gets a little tiring, and fake.but ahwells thinking about now, no big freaking deal really.

big thanks to ugenie, sarah, and joanna for being such sweet people. love you people loadds, just for the word of concern, it brightens my mood so much, thanks all:D <3


my parents love me so i should stop mutilating?
my arse. if that is their love i dont think i could withstand the hate. thank you for like being concerning but, no offence, you dont know what i've went through before, and dont think you ever could even if i tell it to ya.

how could you fully understand another person's traumatic experiences. you could pity her yes, feel like whoever did that to her is such a bastard. but you cant ever see it from her point of view, the terror and hurt that rush back, clear as before. the mind is complicated thing man, the greater the want, the harder to tear yourself away from it.

points a finger at me (finger at me)...
so i point one back at 'em, but not the index or the pinkie or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up when you dont give a fuck, when you wont put up with the bullshit they pull, cause they are full of shit too

amen to that.

the accusations of you being unfilial being so pathetic and weak by cutting your skin open or trying to attract attention of some kind, or being a wannabe.
yes and guess what? i dont give a fuck.

i throw all that back at you cause you are the pathetic one for bullshitting such baseless accusations. and i laugh at you in one corner, because you re actually that way too.

apologies to sensitive people but im just being straughtforward and i mean no offence, most of it is to my dad and mom anyway.


whatever dad, whatever.
who needs your landiao chocolates anyway.
and your noodles, omg they make me gag.
thanks loads dad, for pushing me back down again whenever i've struggle to move on.
and not to forget your fementing noodles, which, im sure will cause me to mutate into some alien with noodles for hands, going by the looks of it.

today, i dont feel very sane at all. considering the fact i was playing with my blade when the guy was there to take my piano away. dearest dad, ever considered that maybe the piano means a lot to me although i've given up on it and leaving it there to accumilate dust. that is my freaking problem to handle and you dont have to give it to the guy for 50 FREAKING BUCKS. MY PIANO FOR 50 FREAKING DOLLARS. count your blessings i didnt get possessed by my rage and stick the bloody knife up your arse. yes, and honey, if one day you decided to throw away my guitar(and its still no bloody business of yours i dont practice), as well, i think i'll probably lose it man, you can be sure of that.

tomorrow i hope to go town to get some stuff for camp and syf. victorian goth <3

(picturing ugenie rapping smack that)
*burst out in uncontrollable laughter


ooohh today i went to walk in the rain again, not exactly on purpose though. when the downpour was really heavy i really wanted to walk in the rain, but some stupid girl almost yanked my arm out. hahaha it was lovely anyway. the feel, the smell, the tingleing sensation:D

ima isnt emo, im just sadddd. hahaha cheer was like alrightt, i guess better than normal. some seniors came back. and omgosh isabel look so feminine now. some people will be disappointed i guess:D

lost for words lost for tears lost for apprehension of what i really want. is it a want is it a need is it just a fantasy. shrugs. sometimes its better not to think so much, you'll just get yourself more confused than what you've began with. emo post yet again!


mashmallows:) seems like people behind are hook on it. pigs:P
ahh they make me sick, that sticky mushy sickly sweet sensation is....shudders.
i thought like the day would be horrible and all because it started off with math test, then ss, which im pretty sure im gonna flunk, seeing that i left the last question blank, and its twelve marks:) doesnt really matter though. after failing so many times, i've learn to take in in my stride. mornings are horrible, and its not just me alright. everyone's grouchy and i cant keep awake, especially when imran is teaching, argh its horrible.
haha someone said some random things and, its quite nice really:)
cheer was, yes horrendous, there's no other word for it really. im praying for a miracle tomorrow. at least, i would be able to go through it without ridicule.
roger, god bless your soul, i hate you. the script is such a far stretch from fiaalbov. i was practically dozing off on eunice's shoulder while they were rehearsing. not to say that they werent good of course, its just the script. no matter how mush character and energy they put in, the script aint gonna work.
maybe im getting way too emo for my own good, i mean its freaking me out too. acting like a psycho cannibal killer makes me feel like one:(
black leggings with black shorts, black/red heels, black satin gloves, choker, cross necklace, dark eyeliner, messed up hair with blood red lips. this is one hell good costume, im really in my element:D

Xiaoyu
Sngs
ELDDS<3
2Grace06<3
3Faith
Art<3
The Unconventional<3
Contemporary<3
Alchohol<3
Coffee<3
Odd Numbers<3
Change
New phone
Ipod
Harley Davidson biker jacket
Hair wax
Nice hair
Friends who'll be there
Positive attitude
Great O'level results, so i can rub it in their face
I want to be an artist
I want to be happy
I want to have all my dreams, fufilled


jean mivio peiyun rach ugenie cat&fish

December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007

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