Tuesday, February 6, 2007
this is how it always has been. and silly me, i thought i might be able to change something. just bit by bit, perhaps they will change. but i was wrong. no matter how much effort i put into it, how much i have endured just so i could actually get along with you guys. i dont hate you but why do you have to force me? why do you have to push me into a corner so im helpless to do anything?
you hurt me when i was younger, and now it hasnt change. are you trying to drive me to suicide? to a point when there's no other choice left in front of me but death? im crying when im typing this but the tears doesnt help, it doesnt wash away the pain at all. and you see me with tear stained cheeks, would you be able to understand the pain hidden behind? no, thats how you always see it as, im weak and trying to gain your sympathy through false tears. im faking. then take it as faking then, you'll never see the true me anyway. no matter how hard i try. the distance between us can only stretch further. i cant attempt to try anymore, because i know it would be futile. i need your help and understanding but can you give it to me? all i've got is just bitter memories. when i look back into the past years later, could i possibly see you as the understanding and caring parent who was always there to help me through the difficulties or there to burden me with more. how can i trust you when you dont trust me with anything? you tell me im more mature now but why do you still treat me like a little kid.
take it away then. take everything away. i dont care anyway.
8:38 PM
