Friday, February 2, 2007
eek what a lousy day:( for once, i've got nothing to say and even i could tell that im trying very hard to be high. miserable now, dont talk to me.
no perks at all today. the mood is shit since morning. and yes i know im gonna fail my chem test and its all my fault. but at least i got through mrs tian's lesson without her shrieking at me about my hair or attitude or trying to cut up my socks right? yes that makes my day, just getting through it alive.
chloe didnt come for school today and we all thought that she overslept or something since she's always sleeping in class and all. hahaha but actually the poor girl had a massive headache and couldnt get up from bed.
im miserable and suicidal again. yeah big surprise. im suicidal like 50 percent of the time so its really no big deal. read this sad story from a person's blog and i felt like so depress like im gonna die or something, and i was listening to some goth music again:) hilarious.
ahhh i need to do some planning and set down some resolutions. new year resolutions:) *panic
things i shall commit myself fully to :study really really hard
two words: anger management
learn a new skill, either dance or guitar
find myself
be a better person
be more socialable and not some grouchy git
ld:)
try to erm, tame my hair
let go of the past
be nicer to my rents
control spending
control eating
control sudden burst of emotions
let go.shopping list:clothes,
shoes,
accessories,
lots more.
ahhh alright alright i need to set a date to go new year shopping with some ppl i shall drag along. someone who has taste and wont be grouchy or make me grouchy. yes and who could that be? i need to revamp my wardrobe and my overall life. been keeping with me too many things that should have been left behind a long time ago.
tears that i thought are dried, wounds that i thought have healed, memories that should be left buried, are haunting me again. oh come on, who starts tearing when they are ironing their school pinafore? who starts crying when they recall their childhood? yeah how unfortunately, me. i know krislyn, i should think about others who have worse lives than me and i know that true. it all makes sense, i need to to stop wallowing in selfpity. but i cant help myself from feeling this way. suddenly it all makes sense now. i had never really let go, just tried to keep it hidden away. but subconsciously, its still there. its has always been there, the memories of a tear stained girl. a girl who couldnt let go.
five years old seems like a long time ago. but to some, the pain is still fresh, preserved throughout the years. a new year had started, but the past has caught up. i always wanted a new start to everything, if i could relive my life all over again, maybe i could have been happier. maybe i could have been a normal girl. im ruining the best parts of my life, the time i spend in school with all my purest friends. and all these sweet memories have to be marred.
ah nvm. i'll just take a step at a time, and see where it will take me.
6:16 PM
