Monday, January 29, 2007
im happy, really i am. so i keep repeating that million times, trying to convince myself. i pretty much irritated jocelyn just now at macs, cause i keep saying "
jocelyn im happy, im really happy."
i hope i am, i cant be so selfish. she's your senior for goodness's sake. you're such a bitch, such a dirty bitch to even think that way.
haha. just remembered how humiliating i behaved in macs, screaming into the phone like some insane woman:) i was shocked, but was i sad? maybe my reaction time is a whole lot slower than normal people's, how pathetic:)
learning to let go is the hardest to accomplish, but i'll make it im sure. i do have countless flaws but one thing i know is that im not weak. i've been through quite alot of trauma when i was younger. but i pulled through didn't i? i wanted to die but i didnt, cause i cant give up that easily,
i cant be weak. life can be contradicting, especially mine.
im happy, but im sad. if i tell you that, would you understand?
now i realise there's no one you could really rely on but yourself. no one could understand the anguish you're feeling, but yourself. similarly, no one can heal you, but yourself. no one could help you, if you decide to give up. and thats how it is.
and i dont hate her anymore, i suspect i've never did, and thats how it is.
there's a millions things going on in my mind, but yet there's none. sounds ridiculous, and yes it is.
this is not the time to give up yet, this is not the end. i'll fight to the very end, even if there's no one there.
5:58 PM
