Tuesday, January 23, 2007
another tiring day. feeling very paranoid. the seniors hate me, the class hates me, teachers hate me, friends hate me, ppl i dont know hate me. wow i dont make sense at all. freaking tian, fuck you for making tues and wed suck. "
now you've disrupted my chain of thought". wtf asshole. ld was pretty good, except that i keep thinking that our group's scene wasn't good enough, my paranoid thinking again, i hope. roger was pleased cause he got some good ideas for syf i suppose. well glad to know we contributed in some way or another.
haha. probably will be staying up till twelve or one again. really gotta finish elit. i dont wanna be in the teachers' list again this year. sick of people chasing after me for work, work that can't seem to ever be completed. i know its just my big problem of managing my life, and so far i did a great job of thrashing it. destroying my life single-handedly.
i cant seem to do anything right. academics, i've pretty much gave up. friendship, yeah im destroying that too. everything else, comes crashing down, i can't avoid facing my problems forever.
feeling so fucking suicidal lately, like life just isnt worth clinging onto anymore. whats the point of continueing with this miserable existant, that seem to lead to nowhere? no im not gonna suicide if that what ppl reading this are thinking. that would make me weak, in the pathetic sense.
i simply wont use the word 'sorry' anymore. i find no meaning in it, maybe its because i've been repeating it too many times. apologies, for all the pain and worrying i brought upon you all. mu bloody fault, no one to be blame. knowing that you guys are feeling sad about me makes me feel a thousand times worse. because the last thing i want to see, is ppl suffering because of me.
ask no questions and i'll tell you no lies.
6:47 PM
